Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Grandmother of All Blonde Jokes
The Grandmother of all Blonde Jokes
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
Blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she
Decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
Paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day, right after her
Husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
Paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
Floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
Parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
Her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
Replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
Dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
Replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
Said...
You'll love this...
I know you will...
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
Blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she
Decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
Paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day, right after her
Husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
Paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
Floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
Parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
Her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
Replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
Dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
Replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
Said...
You'll love this...
I know you will...
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
The Perfect Husband
THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello'
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new Models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: ' $90,000'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000'
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $ 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 80 thousand if it's really a good deal.'
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'
MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.
He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Open letter to Shahrukh Khan by Arindam Bandyopadhyay via @anaggh
By: Bandyopadhyay Arindam Jan-31-2010
Your name is a household phenomenon in Indian and even beyond her
borders. Your fame has put you in the Newsweek "most powerful people
list" recently. However, as you may recall from your recent experience
in New Jersey Airport, real life is a little different - it does not
always follow the path predicted by a scriptwriter or director.
Of late, we have been reading about your opinions and statements on
matters beyond the celluloid world. Nothing is wrong in it. You live in
a free, democratic country and are entirely entitled to your opinion.
But as a common man, also from the same soil, I think I have the right
too to raise a few points that may not conform to your views of the real
world.
I hope you will read it out.
When recently, the Pakistani players were not selected for the IPL, it
was almost predictable that NDTV, the award-winning, mouthpiece of our
Indian liberal media select you for your views and you certified that
"It (Pakistan) is a great neighbour to have.. We (India and Pakistan)
are great neighbours. They are good neighbours."
I have a few words to say about those statements.
One may recall your effort to clarify the Pakistani team captain, Shoaib
Malik"s apology to the Muslims, living all over the world, for failing
to win the final T20 match against India, likely much to the
embarrassment of a lot of Indian Muslims, as expressed by Shamin Bano,
mother of the man of the match, Irfan Pathan. What was more embarrassing
was your effort to try to defend Shoaib in a subsequent interview, "I
don"t think he meant to segregate Muslims and Christians and Hindus and
say this was a match between Islam and Hinduism. I don"t think that..."
I doubt whether Shoaib talked to you personally about his thought
process at that time. You did not really have to respond for somebody
else but perhaps you could not resist the temptation to show your
brotherhood and solidarity.
This reminds us again of Dr Ambedkar"s observation that, "The
brotherhood of Islam is not the universal brotherhood of man. It is
brotherhood of Muslims for Muslims only..
Partition of India was what Pakistan wanted and got. It was painful to
millions but many more millions in present India have been spared. Since
then Pakistan has offered us only hatred. It has imposed on us three
major wars, the Kargil insurgency, the Kashmir conflict, the series of
serial blasts, the routine violation of border ceasefires, attacks on
the Parliament House and the recent Mumbai 26/11attack.
Did you have these in mind when you talked about them being good
neighbours?
In another interview you had tried to explain the concept of Islamic
Jihad. "I think one needs to understand the meaning of jihad .. I"ve
understood the essence that jihad is not about killing other people;
jihad is about killing the badness in you."
May be you understand jihad better and deeper than the superficial
meaning of what we, the rest of the mortal mankind, overburdened and
terrorized by the inter-religious, intra-religious and sectarian
violence that is plaguing the world in the name of Islam today, do. For
we, the less educated, cannot really make a difference between Jihad and
Qatl, between Jihad by heart / soul, Jihad by pen and Jihad by sword or
between lesser and greater jihad.
We wonder, whatever its meaning may be, does it minimize the
significance of the mindless killings that we see today in the name of
Islam, across borders, all over the world? Does it change the nature of
the killers whether you call them holy warriors, mujahidins, fedayeens
or plane suicide bombers?
We agree with you that terrorism has no religion. But hopefully you will
also agree with the people who perceive that most terrorist in the world
today happen to believe in the scriptures of Islam. They actually
believe that they themselves are the true Islamists.
The so called "moderate" Islamist, perhaps does not want to contradict
them or may be does not dare to speak out against them. You have
probably not forgotten the FIR against you for listing Prophet Mohammed
as one of the most unimpressive personalities in history, the threats
from which you had to skillfully wriggle out.. Others who are not so
fortunate, famous or flexible are suffering lifetime, as Tasleema
Nasreen or Salman Rushdie would testify. For blasphemy in Islam is
punishable with death, even for a believer.
Do I have to spell out the fate if it is a non-believer?
It is due to the inherent intolerance and exclusivity of Islam itself
despite your effort to convince us that there is an Islam from Allah and
very unfortunately, there is an Islam from the Mullahs
Here is an historical insight from writer Irfan Hussain, "The Muslim
heroes who figure larger than life in our history books committed some
dreadful crimes.. all have blood-stained hands that the passage of years
has not cleansed. Indeed, the presence of Muslim historians on their
various campaigns has ensured that the memory of their deeds will live
long after they were buried...Seen through Hindu eyes, the Muslim
invasion of their homeland was an unmitigated disaster."
So why should the "non-believers" care to accept them? Why should the
majority of Indians like to welcome back such disasters again?
Since partition, India has come a long way in progress and development
to her current status and is projected as an economic superpower in
coming decades while Pakistan is perceived as a failed state on the
verge of disintegration.
What does India have to gain by offering neighbourly friendship to such
a hostile and failed state?
India has never been an invader and is not in conflict of any other
Muslim country. None of the wars and conflicts with Pakistan was
instigated by India. In the current geopolitical situation, one can
argue for the Muslim world"s grudge and anger against Israel or the west
and USA but one fail to fathom why India should also be at the receiving
end and why Indians should be the second largest group of people to die
from terrorists attacks. Indian majorities do not have anything to do
with the Danish cartoon or the death of Saddam Hussain; so why should
they suffer from Islamic havoc on those occasions?
In almost all occasions of terrorism, questions are raised about
possible role of Pakistan, its terror bases and its terrorist
organizations, as either directly or indirectly involved. Be it state
sponsored (as recently admitted by President Zardari) or by non-state
actors, Pakistan or Pakistani born are prime suspect in terrorist
activities all over the world. ISI has been accused of playing a role in
major terrorist attacks including 9/11 in the USA, terrorism in Kashmir,
Mumbai Train Bombings, London Bombings, Indian Parliament Attack,
Varanasi bombings, Hyderabad bombings, Mumbai terror attacks or the
attack on the Indian embassy in Kabul.
Do you believe these are marks of a good neighbour? Then what is the
reason for your preaching of love towards Pakistan?
Perhaps, as you said, because it is your ancestor"s homeland, you have a
soft feeling for Pakistan and cannot see the difference. On the eve of
accepting an honorary doctorate from a British university, we heard you
say, "I really believe we are the same ..when you come away from India
or Pakistan you realize there is no Indian or Pakistani - we"re all
together. We are - culturally, as human beings, as friends"
Which Pakistanis are you referring to?
The Pakistanis belonging to the land, admonished as the epicenter of
global terrorism, not just by India or USA but even by its friendly
allies like Iran or China.
Or is it the self-created, Talibanic Pakistan, who still imposes Jijya
on the non believers or finds pleasure in blowing up girl"s schools.
Are you talking about its President class like the current Mr. Zardari,
who vowed to wage a 1,000-year war with India or the late Mrs. Bhutto
who started Jihad in Kashmir that lead to the exodus of Hindu minorities
from the Muslim majority state of India, as refugees in their own
country?
Are you referring to Pakistanis loyal to the ISI and the military who
train their soldiers with only one objective, i.e. to fight Hindu India?
If your mind is concerned about the faceless mass of Pakistanis, does it
also include the dwindling minorities?
Or are you just concerned about the celebrities and the social elites?
It is true SRK that we belong to the same human species but it is hard
to stretch the similarities much further between "us" and "them".
We from the same original land of Bharat but we want to keep her intact,
they want to break it into thousand pieces.
Our ancestors happen to be the same. We acknowledge and adore the
heritage but they abhor and decimate whoever is available in an attempt
to wipe out the link.
We are culturally the same. We have created the culture over centuries
what they dream to destroy in moments.
Ours is a 10,000 year old civilization, theirs is a 62 years old country
undoing whole human civilization.
We extend our hands repeatedly to promote friendship and amity; they
give us ISI, Lashkar, Harkat, Kashmir, Kargil and 26/11 in exchange.
Do you think that the Indians nationals who died in all the above wars,
the Indian soldiers who lost their lives in cross-border ceasefire
violations or the Indian civilians who are killed by the ISI trained
Islamic terrorists and their affiliates, in all those serial blasts, all
over the country, willfully sacrificed their lives as a friendly
neighbourhood gesture?
Can you face the families of the victims of Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus
or the martyrs of the Kargil war and try to explain to them that "They
are good neighbours. Let us love each other."
Can you explain why the two gunmen at Cama hospital, during the Mumbai
carnage, asked the man who gave them water, what his religion was, and
shot him dead when he said he was a Hindu?
If you cannot, then perhaps you understand why the majority of India
does not consider Pakistan as a good neighbour to have.
Perhaps you believe that the peaceful religious co-existence that you
created in your home (and we appreciate that) can be extended to the
large world outside. As you rightly said, we Indians trust and do accept
everybody but what you did fail to mention was that it is the Indic
tradition, essentially coming out of its pre-Islamic Hindu ethos.
If you think otherwise, show us a single Islamic country where the
non-believers enjoy the same equality as the believers. Since partition,
the Hindus left over in Pakistan and Bangladesh have suffered terribly.
Strictly Islamic countries, like Saudi Arabia, do not allow any other
religions to exist. Hindus working in the Gulf countries are not allowed
to practice their religion in public. Saudi Arabia insists that India
send only a Muslim ambassador. Hindu Muslim unity by and large has
generally been a matter of Hindus trying to please or accommodate
Muslims. One cannot forget when Vajpayee was extending his hand for
peace Musharraf was planning the Kargil insurgency.
Let us remind you, your own statement "I am a Muslim in a country called
India .We"ve never been made to feel this is a Hindu country."
Can you find me a Hindu in Pakistan who can reciprocate that sentiment?
Some years ago, another Mr. Khan, first name Feroze, from your
fraternity was banned from entering Pakistan for saying, "India is
secular unlike Pakistan".
That is the basic difference of the land of "Hindu" India from the
Islamic "pure land" of Pakistan.
So please do not ask us to love Pakistan.
Please do not lump the people of India and Pakistan together. We Indians
are proud to preserve our separate identity.
And please do not insult the land that gave you your life, name and
fame, by claiming that her worst enemy, who wants to break her into 1000
pieces, is a great neighbour.
Otherwise it would be sad if somebody accuses you of putting your
religion ahead of your country.
Please give it a thought.
Regards,
Arindam Bandyopadhyay
Your name is a household phenomenon in Indian and even beyond her
borders. Your fame has put you in the Newsweek "most powerful people
list" recently. However, as you may recall from your recent experience
in New Jersey Airport, real life is a little different - it does not
always follow the path predicted by a scriptwriter or director.
Of late, we have been reading about your opinions and statements on
matters beyond the celluloid world. Nothing is wrong in it. You live in
a free, democratic country and are entirely entitled to your opinion.
But as a common man, also from the same soil, I think I have the right
too to raise a few points that may not conform to your views of the real
world.
I hope you will read it out.
When recently, the Pakistani players were not selected for the IPL, it
was almost predictable that NDTV, the award-winning, mouthpiece of our
Indian liberal media select you for your views and you certified that
"It (Pakistan) is a great neighbour to have.. We (India and Pakistan)
are great neighbours. They are good neighbours."
I have a few words to say about those statements.
One may recall your effort to clarify the Pakistani team captain, Shoaib
Malik"s apology to the Muslims, living all over the world, for failing
to win the final T20 match against India, likely much to the
embarrassment of a lot of Indian Muslims, as expressed by Shamin Bano,
mother of the man of the match, Irfan Pathan. What was more embarrassing
was your effort to try to defend Shoaib in a subsequent interview, "I
don"t think he meant to segregate Muslims and Christians and Hindus and
say this was a match between Islam and Hinduism. I don"t think that..."
I doubt whether Shoaib talked to you personally about his thought
process at that time. You did not really have to respond for somebody
else but perhaps you could not resist the temptation to show your
brotherhood and solidarity.
This reminds us again of Dr Ambedkar"s observation that, "The
brotherhood of Islam is not the universal brotherhood of man. It is
brotherhood of Muslims for Muslims only..
Partition of India was what Pakistan wanted and got. It was painful to
millions but many more millions in present India have been spared. Since
then Pakistan has offered us only hatred. It has imposed on us three
major wars, the Kargil insurgency, the Kashmir conflict, the series of
serial blasts, the routine violation of border ceasefires, attacks on
the Parliament House and the recent Mumbai 26/11attack.
Did you have these in mind when you talked about them being good
neighbours?
In another interview you had tried to explain the concept of Islamic
Jihad. "I think one needs to understand the meaning of jihad .. I"ve
understood the essence that jihad is not about killing other people;
jihad is about killing the badness in you."
May be you understand jihad better and deeper than the superficial
meaning of what we, the rest of the mortal mankind, overburdened and
terrorized by the inter-religious, intra-religious and sectarian
violence that is plaguing the world in the name of Islam today, do. For
we, the less educated, cannot really make a difference between Jihad and
Qatl, between Jihad by heart / soul, Jihad by pen and Jihad by sword or
between lesser and greater jihad.
We wonder, whatever its meaning may be, does it minimize the
significance of the mindless killings that we see today in the name of
Islam, across borders, all over the world? Does it change the nature of
the killers whether you call them holy warriors, mujahidins, fedayeens
or plane suicide bombers?
We agree with you that terrorism has no religion. But hopefully you will
also agree with the people who perceive that most terrorist in the world
today happen to believe in the scriptures of Islam. They actually
believe that they themselves are the true Islamists.
The so called "moderate" Islamist, perhaps does not want to contradict
them or may be does not dare to speak out against them. You have
probably not forgotten the FIR against you for listing Prophet Mohammed
as one of the most unimpressive personalities in history, the threats
from which you had to skillfully wriggle out.. Others who are not so
fortunate, famous or flexible are suffering lifetime, as Tasleema
Nasreen or Salman Rushdie would testify. For blasphemy in Islam is
punishable with death, even for a believer.
Do I have to spell out the fate if it is a non-believer?
It is due to the inherent intolerance and exclusivity of Islam itself
despite your effort to convince us that there is an Islam from Allah and
very unfortunately, there is an Islam from the Mullahs
Here is an historical insight from writer Irfan Hussain, "The Muslim
heroes who figure larger than life in our history books committed some
dreadful crimes.. all have blood-stained hands that the passage of years
has not cleansed. Indeed, the presence of Muslim historians on their
various campaigns has ensured that the memory of their deeds will live
long after they were buried...Seen through Hindu eyes, the Muslim
invasion of their homeland was an unmitigated disaster."
So why should the "non-believers" care to accept them? Why should the
majority of Indians like to welcome back such disasters again?
Since partition, India has come a long way in progress and development
to her current status and is projected as an economic superpower in
coming decades while Pakistan is perceived as a failed state on the
verge of disintegration.
What does India have to gain by offering neighbourly friendship to such
a hostile and failed state?
India has never been an invader and is not in conflict of any other
Muslim country. None of the wars and conflicts with Pakistan was
instigated by India. In the current geopolitical situation, one can
argue for the Muslim world"s grudge and anger against Israel or the west
and USA but one fail to fathom why India should also be at the receiving
end and why Indians should be the second largest group of people to die
from terrorists attacks. Indian majorities do not have anything to do
with the Danish cartoon or the death of Saddam Hussain; so why should
they suffer from Islamic havoc on those occasions?
In almost all occasions of terrorism, questions are raised about
possible role of Pakistan, its terror bases and its terrorist
organizations, as either directly or indirectly involved. Be it state
sponsored (as recently admitted by President Zardari) or by non-state
actors, Pakistan or Pakistani born are prime suspect in terrorist
activities all over the world. ISI has been accused of playing a role in
major terrorist attacks including 9/11 in the USA, terrorism in Kashmir,
Mumbai Train Bombings, London Bombings, Indian Parliament Attack,
Varanasi bombings, Hyderabad bombings, Mumbai terror attacks or the
attack on the Indian embassy in Kabul.
Do you believe these are marks of a good neighbour? Then what is the
reason for your preaching of love towards Pakistan?
Perhaps, as you said, because it is your ancestor"s homeland, you have a
soft feeling for Pakistan and cannot see the difference. On the eve of
accepting an honorary doctorate from a British university, we heard you
say, "I really believe we are the same ..when you come away from India
or Pakistan you realize there is no Indian or Pakistani - we"re all
together. We are - culturally, as human beings, as friends"
Which Pakistanis are you referring to?
The Pakistanis belonging to the land, admonished as the epicenter of
global terrorism, not just by India or USA but even by its friendly
allies like Iran or China.
Or is it the self-created, Talibanic Pakistan, who still imposes Jijya
on the non believers or finds pleasure in blowing up girl"s schools.
Are you talking about its President class like the current Mr. Zardari,
who vowed to wage a 1,000-year war with India or the late Mrs. Bhutto
who started Jihad in Kashmir that lead to the exodus of Hindu minorities
from the Muslim majority state of India, as refugees in their own
country?
Are you referring to Pakistanis loyal to the ISI and the military who
train their soldiers with only one objective, i.e. to fight Hindu India?
If your mind is concerned about the faceless mass of Pakistanis, does it
also include the dwindling minorities?
Or are you just concerned about the celebrities and the social elites?
It is true SRK that we belong to the same human species but it is hard
to stretch the similarities much further between "us" and "them".
We from the same original land of Bharat but we want to keep her intact,
they want to break it into thousand pieces.
Our ancestors happen to be the same. We acknowledge and adore the
heritage but they abhor and decimate whoever is available in an attempt
to wipe out the link.
We are culturally the same. We have created the culture over centuries
what they dream to destroy in moments.
Ours is a 10,000 year old civilization, theirs is a 62 years old country
undoing whole human civilization.
We extend our hands repeatedly to promote friendship and amity; they
give us ISI, Lashkar, Harkat, Kashmir, Kargil and 26/11 in exchange.
Do you think that the Indians nationals who died in all the above wars,
the Indian soldiers who lost their lives in cross-border ceasefire
violations or the Indian civilians who are killed by the ISI trained
Islamic terrorists and their affiliates, in all those serial blasts, all
over the country, willfully sacrificed their lives as a friendly
neighbourhood gesture?
Can you face the families of the victims of Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus
or the martyrs of the Kargil war and try to explain to them that "They
are good neighbours. Let us love each other."
Can you explain why the two gunmen at Cama hospital, during the Mumbai
carnage, asked the man who gave them water, what his religion was, and
shot him dead when he said he was a Hindu?
If you cannot, then perhaps you understand why the majority of India
does not consider Pakistan as a good neighbour to have.
Perhaps you believe that the peaceful religious co-existence that you
created in your home (and we appreciate that) can be extended to the
large world outside. As you rightly said, we Indians trust and do accept
everybody but what you did fail to mention was that it is the Indic
tradition, essentially coming out of its pre-Islamic Hindu ethos.
If you think otherwise, show us a single Islamic country where the
non-believers enjoy the same equality as the believers. Since partition,
the Hindus left over in Pakistan and Bangladesh have suffered terribly.
Strictly Islamic countries, like Saudi Arabia, do not allow any other
religions to exist. Hindus working in the Gulf countries are not allowed
to practice their religion in public. Saudi Arabia insists that India
send only a Muslim ambassador. Hindu Muslim unity by and large has
generally been a matter of Hindus trying to please or accommodate
Muslims. One cannot forget when Vajpayee was extending his hand for
peace Musharraf was planning the Kargil insurgency.
Let us remind you, your own statement "I am a Muslim in a country called
India .We"ve never been made to feel this is a Hindu country."
Can you find me a Hindu in Pakistan who can reciprocate that sentiment?
Some years ago, another Mr. Khan, first name Feroze, from your
fraternity was banned from entering Pakistan for saying, "India is
secular unlike Pakistan".
That is the basic difference of the land of "Hindu" India from the
Islamic "pure land" of Pakistan.
So please do not ask us to love Pakistan.
Please do not lump the people of India and Pakistan together. We Indians
are proud to preserve our separate identity.
And please do not insult the land that gave you your life, name and
fame, by claiming that her worst enemy, who wants to break her into 1000
pieces, is a great neighbour.
Otherwise it would be sad if somebody accuses you of putting your
religion ahead of your country.
Please give it a thought.
Regards,
Arindam Bandyopadhyay
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Now-President Obama gets nominated for Nobel in Physics
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious 'Al-Gebra' movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.'
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'..
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes..' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.
member of the notorious 'Al-Gebra' movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.'
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'..
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes..' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
...and Charles removes the sandles
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter as the day went on.
That night, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!" He attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder". "I'm trying, But it's just so bloody tight!" "Come on! Give it all you've got!" Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!" Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! He served in the Navy: once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"
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